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Friday, June 28, 2013

The reason I pitched 17 years of gratitude journals

So today I was cleaning and organizing our house.  It is small by most standards about 900sq feet.  I came across the box my gratitude journals were in.  Now I don't talk about this much but from a young age I have had on and off bouts of depression besides just being a general lunatic.  A friend convinced me to start a journal to help me illuminate what was good in my life during the harder times.  I agreed to give it a try and being someone who loves to write I did it diligently. 
For a second when I looked at the old journals sitting there I felt it was wrong to toss them I was saving them.  They were saved for when I find myself sitting under the table 10 kinds of sad and I need to know what is right in this world. 
I thought to myself I wonder what I wrote I was grateful for so I opened up the oldest one.  I started it when I was 18.  The first thing I saw was I am grateful for mint tea it taste so good when you are sick.  Then one about an old dick boyfriend being there for me that now makes me cringe just to think I ever even liked such a tool.  Blushing at my own naivete I kept going and saw many things.  I was grateful for some made me tear up when they mentioned my mom who passed away a while ago.  Others were sad to me now because the folks the time was spent with are no longer in my life for various reasons. 
So after a while I closed it up and looked at another then another.  What came to me was that at some point that looking for good became so ingrained in me I don't really need them any more.  Oh sure I still end up under the table sometimes same as everyone else but what it showed me was so long as you avidly try and find the good things you will find them.  This is in no way to say depression does not exist or this is a cure this is to say for people like me who have a vested interest in training themselves to look for the good and see it I know it can be done in some amount of time under 17 years.  I may still well do the journals but when I am done with it I am letting it go not hiding it away for a rainy bad day.
Love
Cappy

Monday, June 24, 2013

It is all about the clouds today

 As a kid I spent a lot of time outside and when bored I would look to the clouds.  They were an endless source of beauty and inspiration.  Always moving and altering they were so inspiring.  So as an adult I still have an obsession with the clouds.  The photo above is for my own house it is a simple collage photo of some of my favorite cloud prints and well the one in the corner is snow I have a equal love for watching it snow.  The photos below are to show how the clouds inspire me. 
This painting was inspired by the image of clouds below.  It is not exact just what I pull from it.  I hope you all find this interesting and consider doing some cloud work yourself. 

Love
Cappy

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Some days you just straigh break open wide

 My week has been going pretty good.  Earlier in the week I found myself talking with a dear friend about something very private some thing I don't think I have shared with 5 friends in my whole life.  Then I felt that cracking that breaking we all get and you try to pretend it is not happening because lord knows anything is better than facing whatever caused the crack.  So I am over here making tiny shit and listening to Kansas. 
The good thing about this wide open place is it provides a plethora of new creativity  These were made out of the boxes some phone batteries came in. 
So carry on my wayward sons I am off to sewn some Strawberry shortcake pillows.
Love
Cappy

Monday, June 10, 2013

Why we need weekends

This is something I have learned from my cats.  As you know cats take all the time off they want.  Well I enjoyed my vacation.  I came back and had a busy week restocking the store.  Getting gifts for my dad for Fathers day all kinds of stuff.  But by the end of the week I was tired.  Now a couple of years ago I would of run around like a jackass not giving myself days off so I could do all the things.  Now however I realize breaks are good and I have even reimposed weekends on myself.  Something about having two consecutive days just for me is rejuvenating more than one here and one there.  So from this cat I learned to take time to smell the roses.  Now I went out and actually smelled my rose bushes he on the other hand is smelling/eating my carrots tops but that is OK I grow them for him.

 This is another kitty teaching me that it is OK to do nothing on your time off.  He loves to just lay there and stare at squat.  I have discovered again that naps when you have time off are not wasted time but in fact time well spent.  So thanks kitty naps are great and I intend to enjoy one any time I want on the weekend.  Turns out if you are tired and just go sleep you feel better who the fuck knew my cat was smarter than me.
This last photo is simply to make you laugh.
Hope you all had a great weekend too.
Love
Cappy

Monday, June 3, 2013

I am back from vacation with way to many photos of gardening in my yard

 I am a gardening nut I love it and I think it helps keep me from just walking around punching stranger so  really try to make my yard my own.  This is a little wild strawberry.  I found a few and moved them to one area I think by next year I will have a decent little patch of them.  Now to find out if they are worth a damn to eat to anyone but our resident bunny.
This is part of a project that I am building three walls to almost enclose a whole area in the back yard to put a little table or bench for relaxing or meditation.  It is coming along great most of that was trained up a chicken wire fence.  It has sparrows and finches just thick. 

This is my newest rose plant it is a bright pink tea rose plant and it is coming along very nicely.  If it goes well later in the year I may take a couple of cuttings to try and get new starts to put in other spots near the fence. 

This is my mystery plant.  I remember planting something there just playing hell remembering what it was.  I think it may be some black eyed susans or painted daisies we shall see.
Hope you have enjoyed your time in the garden.
Love
Cappy